"I'm proud of you!!"

( This is a picture of one lovely mother daughter duo who did not hesitate to answer my random questions. Happily they got themselves clicked . Mother is in her late thirties and works in some bank. She proudly told me about the achievements of her daughter who's in her early twenties. Loved their energies :) ) 

One fine morning when we were having morning tea sitting in our balcony, just like that, I asked him "are you proud of me?" Expression on his face was worth a click. My question left him confused and surprised. He spoke in stammers, ulps and umms...."what type of a question is it?" "I don't know what to say" "I'm not sure what you are trying to ask me" were his replies to a very simple question asked by his wife. Though within five minutes he said with full conviction in his eyes that he is . It left me wondering why was it so difficult for him to reply immediately.

Was my question bothersome because he was already lost in reading top headlines of the business news paper? Or he never thought about this or felt it before hearing it from me? Or whatever!

Somehow for the entire day I kept thinking about the morning incident. Lot of questions arose inside me. I tried to recall when was the last time I heard this phrase "I'm proud of you". As far as I could go deep inside the layers of my memory I couldn't find anyone other than my parents. They might have said that to me long time ago. Especially my mom. Who has always been an inspiration for me. 

Is it important for me that I should be told by someone that he or she is proud of me? I'm not self sufficient to be proud of myself? And how does it feel or make a difference when someone says that to me? Is that some kind of stamp which I need to realize what I have achieved in life? Or is it an expression of love, care, contentment and pride for the giver and taker both?

I decided to write something about this on my blog. In order to prepare myself for this challenging topic I started thinking what can I do to know more about this expression? Then one day I went to the local market. Instead of going back in my car I decided to walk on the streets and ask random people about it and make a small compilation of their views. 

My house is close to a college so lots of young girls and boys generally stroll during mid noon. Area appears lively seeing so many youngsters around. When we are young we have that vibe and energy within us. 

I was on my mission - I stopped many random girls first (I wanted to gain some confidence before approaching boys as I was more comfortable with similar sex) and requested them if I can shoot their videos or take their pictures to capture their natural reactions while i put up questions to them. But they all refused. I completely understood their inhibitions. But I kept asking them my question - "when was the last time you heard someone telling you "I'm proud of you?" As most of them are still in college so it was heard by them in recent times. They could immediately recall it. Mostly girls could tell their stories like from whom and why they heard it but boys started laughing and wondering. Most of them couldn't recall and many replied to my question - "hamne kahan kuch aisa kiya hai jo hamare parents ko humpe proud ho ( we have not done anything of that stature that our parents should feel proud of us)" - while giggling and shying away.

 I quickly understood one thing that I have to go to different age groups. 

Then I looked for middle age men and women from different walks of life. I stopped many and asked the same thing. None of them could remember or recall this phrase. Then eventually most of them said, they might have heard it in their childhood from parents or teachers. 

Then I went to stores, gyms, salons, schools, where I could speak to working men and women of all ages. And what I found was very interesting. Many working women could recall their past instances of hearing this phrase but not from the parents or family members but from their bosses. And many men also gave positive answers saying that - when they achieved target sale or delivered well in job and been promoted, they heard this phrase coming from their bosses and wives respectively. 

When i asked how they felt when they are being told so, they said it was a wonderful feeling, like top of this world kinds. Their eyes shone and a bright smile appeared on their faces while recalling that moment.

One thing was clear in my head. We often get to hear this phrase from a person who has been with us on our journey. Like mentors or parents or spouses or siblings or bosses and not from a stranger who doesn't know us. Reason behind it is, we can only take pride in something which we have been a part of. 

  

When your parents or mentors or anyone who has been very close to you says this, you feel very happy. It gives you a feeling of achievement. You feel great about yourself and want to work even harder towards your goals. It works like a melody to your ears, a pat on your back when you are tired and you want to regain your energies, a moment to cherish & to be remembered. 

But I'm not finishing here. What about those middle age men and women (mostly housewives, as I specifically asked everyone their age, status, and what they do)? Why is it so that no one says this to them? Do we stop accomplishing after reaching a certain age? Don't we have any ambitions to look forward to? Do we stop learning? Or all these thoughts and expressions don't matter later in life.

Because as the above exercise shows we get to hear it when we are young and accomplishing in life. Constantly learning and achieving. Which we generally stop after a certain age. And mostly women who are housewives, their hard work and commitment to give their families a comfortable life is not acknowledged as an accomplishment by their families ( not generalizing but most of the times ). Hardly any over middle aged man gets to hear this often from his family or friends.

I take pride in whatever I do in my life. But if it's acknowledged by my family, mentors or a close friend and if someday someone says ( only when they really mean it and not after reading this post ;D ) - "I'M PROUD OF YOU", I would treasure that memory in my heart for the rest of my life. 

In this picture here, she's a working mother. Who looks after the house with work like many working moms. She told me - I have said that to my children but no one has ever said that to me. 

He's the newspaper and  magazine vendor. He's in his late fifties. And he has never been told 

anything like this because such topics have no relevance in his or his family members life.

( I would like to express my gratitude to all those people who participated and helped me to write this post )

Happy reading :)